Say You Won’t Let Go

In life, you will meet new people, either they will make you or break you.

He broke me. But I must say, he also made me braver and stronger.

When I saw him, all the memories came back,the hurt came back, but he never did. The wounds still haven’t healed. But then, I knew that it’s not about losing him. Because the worst part was losing me.

I never really knew I would like him although I can see some of my standards in him. Tall, dark and handsome. But days had passed and I noticed myself wanting to see him everyday. I laughed so hard after he cracked a joke even if I already heard that joke 1000 times. I even stalked him on his Facebook account, always walking in front of their classroom just to take a glimpse on him, borrowing everything from my friend that’s also his classmate so he would also recognize me. There, I confirmed it, I like him. My friends were telling me I should confess to him. They started teasing me whenever he´s walking at the corridor. I told my friends to stop teasing me, but deep inside me is telling them to tease us more.

I did not confess. I will never do it.I  don’t know why. Maybe I’m afraid of rejection.

Really, I am never a risk-taker.

Right then I knew he already had a girlfriend. All the what if’s flashed in my mind.

“What if I followed my friends advice?”, “What if i confess to him after i knew i like him?”,”What if he is just waiting for me?” ,”What if he also likes me?” 

Then a lot of maybes followed.

“Maybe he would court me”, “Maybe I am already his girlfriend”, “Maybe I will be happy”..

That day he smiled at me,not knowing he hurt me. I cried. No, I died. I killed myself by seeing this unfair world. I killed myself by thinking that I was left alone because I am not beautiful at all; because he found someone really attractive. I searched for all my flaws. Every waking moment was just suffocating. All I ever wanted to do was to sleep again. 

Sometimes..

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He’s not numb, he just doesn’t  love me.. 💔 😭

But when you fall,you should stand up,right? I shouldn’t let my world stop and remain buried in the memories of a man who doesn’t even care for me. He just hurt me, but never really get me killed.

We should be thankful for those who hurt us because they are the ones who will make us stronger. If someone did not break you, you will never be completely whole. Don’t be afraid to show what you feel. Tears don’t mean you’re losing, you’re just showing your feelings.

Someday, I will not be afraid of loving again, because most of the times, it is through hurting and breaking that we become whole…again.

Author: BbyGel, a student of mine 😊

 

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